Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Zxero the Hero (uh huh, riiight...)

Yeah, the cover of this book looks pretty heroic, right?  Well anyways, on with the story!!!
     In a land called Merp rested upon an unusually small island was a village filled with dragons.  (Phooey!  Of course, from the human point of view, the island was enormous!) There, living in a very disproportionate little hut was a little dragon called Zxero.  It was neither he, nor she, nor it.  But it was called and "it" anyways, so that people could have something to call it rather than calling it by its silly name all the time.  Zxero was a wanderer.  It was also the "Alternate One" which was a god/goddess that represented...  Well, I'm not quite sure...  But anyways, how would you feel if you heard right now that Zxero was the one who wrote this book!?  Yeah, yeah, I know.  Its not that surprising.  In fact, I just told you!  *Sticks out tongue.*
     On this particular day, Zxero was at "training lessons" along with a number of odd an peculiar  dragons who all seemed to have major issues.  One was quite large, and another was quite thin and wimpy, just like Zxero.  Zxero was in full armor along with everyone else.  Its helm was crooked and it dragged its shield upon the floor.  Its friend, Birch was also a wimpy dragon, but much better off than Zxero for he wasn't very long and snakelike.  He was much more muscular.
"ALRIGHT!" Master screamed.  (His voice was always a scream...)  "Today is FLIGHT TRAINING!!!"
"But sir..." started another dragon named Meep, who was most incredibly strong, but too shy for his brawn.
"YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW!  We have trained like that ever since you were little maggots, BUT THIS IS BASIC TRAINING!!!" Master distracted.
"But I thought this was major fighting class," said Mudlut, a very clever and slender dragon who could beat anyone in a fighting contest.
Master crossed his eyes.  "Yes, quite, but YOU LAME DRAGONS CAN'T EVEN PICK UP A SWORD!!!"
Oh, gurgling glacksticks.  I hope this doesn't turn into another "Master and Mudlut mess," Zxero thought with a great glare of agony to the sky.  Birch, who was patiently sitting beside Zxero was nodding off to sleep.  (Obviously, that was known as "patience" to the dragons.  Dragons slept when bored, even at the dinner table).  Zxero nudged him awake.
"Get up," it wrote through its mind to Birch.  "Master is...  Waiting..."
     Master was pacing back and forth, observing the dragon's wings.  He was amused by the little dragon's wings, and he chuckled.
"TERRIBLE WINGS!" he said said with a grunt when he got to the end of the line of dragons.  "All of you will FAIL!!!"
"Especially you, Zxero," Mudlut hissed under his breath towards Zxero.  "You will never be the God of the Dragons."
The other dragons chuckled at this.  Zxero only stared on ahead as Master lifted his oversized tail and gave a big, loud fart to silence the dragons.  When that didn't work, he began to explode.
"SILENCE YOU LITTLE MAGGOTS, BFORE I EAT ALL THE LIVING CARPFLEAS FROM THOSE LITTLE BRAINS OF YOURS!!!" he thundered with a great shake of his fatty, overhanging belly.
"Not before I eat you yourself," Zxero managed to say.
Birch laughed at this until Zxero gave him a nice thwack on the nose with its tail.  Finally, after fifteen whole minutes, the dragons became silent.  Finally, Master gave the orders.
"ALRIGHT!" he boomed.  "Now, go and do twenty laps around Merp!!!"
Everyone moaned and groaned and began filing out of the main training hall.
"Unless you want me to stick FIFTY FIREBALLS UP YOUR BUTT!" Master said.
"No, no!" everyone said.  They immediately became silent.
Zxero was pushed and mauled by the hefty dragons as they all attempted to fit though the door at once.  (Not to mention, the door was only for long dragons like Zxero or Birch or their dreaded enemy, Mudlut).
     When Zxero and Birch were finally outside, they came to find that all the other dragons had taken off and were already halfway around Merp.
"Come on," said Zxero, giving one beat of its wings and finding it took it already about halfway around Merp.
"Oh, joy," Birch moaned close behind Zxero.  "I absolutely, definitely, positively, seriously...  Well, I kind of forgot what I was going to say, but I think I was about to say that...  I HATE THE FACT MASTER MAKES US RUN LAPS!!!"
"Hmmm..." Zxero said, hardly surprised.  "Quite so, since we are supposedly supposed to be training for protecting stupid jewels from knights who want to slay us."
"It's all myth!" howled Birch.  "They're training us for MYTH!"
And so they both flew on as Zxero managed to hold back its temper while Birch complained and complained.  (And though one beat of their wings brought them halfway around the island of  Merp, the dragons STILL took an hour to finish.  How lame).

To be CORNtinued....... (Within the next MILLENNIUM!)

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