tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26929833436790215322024-02-18T22:12:57.831-08:00they imagine usA blog of mostly writings with some art and photography.Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-71608911059553176382018-04-22T02:22:00.000-07:002018-04-29T03:01:12.855-07:00That Night<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(Warning: based on suicide and abusive relationships, and may be graphic)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I've had enough. My eyes are surrounded by bruises. She's been yelling at me and hitting me all night, all the while threatening to slit huir own throat. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I end up like this: I pin both huir arms down with my legs. Zei kicks and screams and I smile for some strange reason. As soon as zei </span><span style="font-size: small;">sees, zei </span><span style="font-size: small;">stops kicking. Spits in my face.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">“How could you?” Tears stream down huir face. Zei’s ugly. I don't know how I ever found that crying face beautiful, but it certainly kept me on my knees. I could make en love me with every carnal session, all because of that face.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Zei says, “Always abusing me. It’s all your fault! Just let me die, bitch. You’ve never cared for me once.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">When I smirk, zei looks taken aback. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I don't recall too well, but maybe it was my fault. All the times I never texted back. Failing to drive 20 miles to meet en because zei would never come to meet me. It's like something in me is emerging, and it's not me, because real "me" would never hurt en like how I am now. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
“Me abusing you, huh? All I’ve ever done is care for you,” I say. “But whatever. Whatever you decide to do with yourself is what you decide. I have helped you to the extent I can, but in the end, it’s really up to you to help yourself and heal.”</div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I sound like a therapist. Like all huir punches had finally blasted my spirit out of my meat host, and I was finally one of those paid gods who somehow have the words no one wants to hear, but are nonetheless the truth. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Zei glares at me. “You...”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">“I think I’ve realized something.” I say as I stand up and wipe my hands together, still looking at en as if trying to pin en down with my eyes because I know that I would be going back on my oath to physically harm en. “I’m always going to be the one at fault to you. Surely if I’m so terrible, you would cut me out of your life because I’m such a cold-hearted monster, hm?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I squat down and glare at en tauntingly as zei props enself on huir elbows with an expression I can’t tell is hatred or surprise.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The therapist god's words come to me easily for some reason. Who it is therapy for, though, I honestly do not know. I continue before zei can formulate a response. “All I can really tell you is how much I love you. But that won’t solve much, will it now? I’m no suicide hotline. I’m no hero or savior. Just a horrible monster. I guess from now on, no matter what you say, my only response will be to help yourself. I mean, I think you deserve better, as much as that makes me so horrible.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I stand up again. Turn away calmly and begin to walk towards the stairs.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Zei stands up as if to follow me but stays put. “Fucking asshole! You don’t know what you’ve done. This isn’t love! No one loves me, and I don’t deserve to live. If you really loved me you would tell me to live right now. You would tell me how much you love me. You would <i>help me</i>.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Zei is sobbing. Even uglier than before. I can see it even though I don’t turn around.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I say quietly, “to you, I either care too much and you insult me, or I don’t care at all and you hate me. Nothing much I can do about that. I only know my own feelings, which are I will always love you.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I’m about to walk out the exit when I hear en inhale sharply.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">“Don’t you walk away! I’m going to kill myself right now. It’s going to be all your fault.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I look back and I see en holding huir pocket knife to huir neck. My initial instinct is to run over, knock the knife from huir hand, and hug en tightly, but I stop myself. I know in the back of my mind that zei will not do it, at least not now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I only look back coldly at en.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">“No, you shouldn’t. Aren’t you curious to see the gift I have for you tomorrow?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">“Liar. You’re just saying that to get me to not kill myself.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I pause, pushing back the temptation to defend my claim despite it being a lie. “Well now, I suppose you’ll find out tomorrow whether or not it’s true. Meet me at the usual spot by the corner store at 9.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I turn away again, this time walking out with no more words between us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">~ ~ ~</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The next night, 30 minutes before that time, I leave a note at our usual meeting place with my farewell and a list or resources for her, but I never stay to see en. I wonder if it was for the best.</span></div>
Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-81387337962940870342018-04-22T01:40:00.000-07:002018-04-22T01:43:44.313-07:00The Adventures of Laggin Dragon and Taroz pt. 1 (New Comic!)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-31560362497005475852018-04-22T01:29:00.002-07:002018-04-22T01:43:20.442-07:00Just What You Want (Poem Version)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Nights alone, driving anywhere but home</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Mind far off, desperation takes hold</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The key is </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Broken</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">You say, give me love, give me trust </span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Give me some way to capture lust</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I don’t care, take my time</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Just as long as I can feel the things I once thought were mine</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Right in front of you, this person</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Would gladly open your eyes</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">But the beacon for you will always be</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">So far off</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">If you would take a person and share</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">An artificial love</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Would I gladly be your dummy, pretend we’re high</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Not care what’s down below us?</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">We’re here now, drunk and lonely</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">And we’re sharing time</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Saying all the right things, but you could</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Never tease me out of my lie</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Because you know just what you want</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">And I know just what you need</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">And I’d gladly be that dummy even if</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">In the end, it just hurts me</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(This is also a song)</span></div>
Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-10473981521584943982017-11-21T22:02:00.001-08:002019-03-28T02:36:35.554-07:00The Only Thing I Know How To Do<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">I’ve only fallen in love at the bars. A total of 57 people, men, women, anyone, checked off.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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In this town, I wear it like a gold medal. But I guess gold can have its lonely side, too.</div>
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I don’t like being alone at night—it’s a little secret I haven’t told anyone, and maybe that’s why I bring them to their homes.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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I float back to my apartment at around 6am. 8am in the winter. Can’t sleep, usually—paranoia of strangers, I guess. Always thinking I’ll get shot in the head, and that’s probably just because of a cyst growing in my brain, like what happened to dad.</div>
<div class="p1">
Or at least that’s the excuse I give for most things.</div>
<div class="p1">
I wasn’t always like this. I used to be a genius. I was the talent of the articles. I made devices—holograms and portals and stuff. I talked pompous. My family was rich.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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But then I got friends, and I guess that set me up.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
<div class="p1">
Living a couple hundred years longer than your peers isn’t exactly the greatest thing. Not quite the beautiful treachery of life’s shortness or the incomprehensibility of immortality.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
<div class="p1">
I suppose it’s good that no one knows; they all smile at me and we can bond over the latest popular song and some 2am chicken wings.</div>
<div class="p1">
But not the coldness of the gold. Not how they all just turn to particles and disappear to some other dimension where I can only see their laughs but I only want to see their resentment. </div>
<div class="p1">
They couldn’t just spare me that.</div>
<div class="p1">
The relapses only appear at night for some reason. I look away. I take home one person after the next. I tell them I can’t stay because of the cyst and the paranoia and how much work I have.<br />
It’s the only thing I know how to do.</div>
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Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-62660744060572538732017-10-24T12:58:00.001-07:002018-04-22T01:44:39.454-07:00Against the odds<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We met in that place that night. The same place we met every night under the deafening screams of sirens and the sound of gunshots echoing through the thick, smoky air. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Where do you want to go, Aronai?” I asked him, the kid who was just barely taller than me and whose messy black hair covered huir iridescent eyes. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Zei looked at me, smiling, two small dimples appearing on either side of huir cheeks. Then looked thoughtfully at the shrouded sky. It had been ages since we last saw stars. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“All I can think of,” zei said and paused for a few seconds. “Is somewhere up there, beyond all this. Somewhere I can be with you.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I opened my mouth to respond. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to be with you, too.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But I looked down. Huir hand just barely covered over ugly bruises on huir wrist. There appeared to be fresh blood there, too.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Zei seemed to notice I was taken aback, because zei retracted huir wrist into the sleeve of huir ripped sweater and looked away sullenly. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I guess I should tell you,” zei mumbled.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A pang of guilt shot through me and I also averted my eyes. “You don’t need…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“They saw me smile at you.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-6f0e0fd5-4fef-9223-7920-fe856cd332ab"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I bit my lip. “It’s all my fault.” I shook my head and then stood up from the dirt. “I should have never tried to be your friend.”</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 36pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Aronai looked up at me, eyes wide. “What are you saying? That’s not…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wiped tears from my eyes. “I’m sorry, Aronai. I didn’t want this to happen. I want to say the same thing as you. I also want to go with you… to up there. But it’s not possible. It will </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">never</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> be possible.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I turned away from him. I didn’t see the expression zei made, and if zei had said something, I didn’t hear it. By then I had run away, back to the other side of the border. Back to the people who had raised me. Back to where I knew my limits. Or at least, those that were a lie.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That was the last time I saw en.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It took years, but the war came to a close and I had gotten taller. I moved out of my country and all the way across the water to a new one. I learned the language. Adjusted to city life. I happened to land a job in a space agency where I helped build the latest technology.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You’d think I’m smart, but I’m not really sure. I spent every evening when I returned home contemplating what it was I was after. Why had I worked so hard to get here when I could have just gotten an equally fine but less grueling job? I saw a vague memory in the back of my mind, but I couldn’t quite fill in the details. I would shake my head, and then turn off the thoughts as I turned off the lights to go to bed.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One morning, a morning in January, was like any other. I went to work with my coffee and got straight to outlining depictions of robot parts. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I sipped my coffee, I spit some of it out when my coworker bounced into my office yelling.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Guess what?!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I squinted and looked at him as I wiped my mouth. “Uh, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">yes</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We’ve got a new promising astronomer! This guy’s the talk of the town!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh. Okay. Awesome?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Er, but you see, I really want to meet en. But I’m a bit too nervous to go on my own because of boss, but maybe if you go with me… And also, you know the tradition.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I see what you’re getting at.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I sighed and placed down my pencil and coffee and we walked a few offices down to the lab. When we arrived, it was swarming with people. Techies, scientists, and all. I craned my neck to see beyond the crowd.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Somewhere in the middle stood a strangely familiar presence, whose wavy black hair and iridescent eyes were unmistakable. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I reeled back, my heart jolting against my chest. </span>“W-wait. I really should get back to…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But my co-worker grabbed my arm. “No-siree! This is a welcome party we all must do for our new fellow workers.” </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">He pulled me into the crowd. I tried to pull my arm away a few times. I could’ve easily done it, yet for some reason, I didn’t. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When we got to the front of the crowd, I stopped short. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My eyes locked onto Aronai and my breath shortened. Only seconds later, Aronai's eyes met mine. And in that moment, it was like time slowed down. The whole crowd disappeared. The noises became muffled.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I held my breath and tears began to well in my eyes.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Aronai watched me blankly at first. I wondered if he recognized me. Those eyes had gotten cold since the last time I saw en. The war had done a number on en, for sure. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I swallowed, unsure how to react.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But then, as if the sun pierced through the smoke, zei smiled warmly.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wanted to smile back, but instead, the tears began to stream from my eyes. As if by instinct, I stepped towards en, reaching out my hand slightly. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-6f0e0fd5-4ff4-1a9d-7734-ed49e14c5346"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I left you.” I choked on the words as tears poured out. “It was selfish; I was sc--” I covered my mouth with my hand and scrunched my shoulders together.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Zei shook huir head. “I don’t blame you. I’m sorry our situation was that way. I know it was hard, but please don’t be sorry.” Zei suddenly grinned and stepped forward. Took my hand in huirs. “I knew I’d find you here! You know how long I was looking for you?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh my god,” I whispered in our native tongue. I smiled despite the tears.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Aronai pointed up with his whole arm. “Let’s be together up there from now on!”</span></div>
Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-83922639282751985522017-10-13T23:52:00.000-07:002017-10-15T17:16:08.992-07:00I want to be your hero<span style="font-family: "helveticaneue"; font-size: 12px;">Let’s be real. I can’t do hero-ly shit</span><br />
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
I can’t fly, I can’t even listen to an opinion without </div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
Some sort of anxiety</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
But I can try</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
And they say do, not try, but</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
I try nevertheless to send you my limited words</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
To help us understand each other</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
To bring you anything I can when I see you hurt</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
And it jabs you every time, so I guess</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
Maybe it’s not worth it</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
Even trying </div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
And how can a hero be a hero when they </div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
Doubt themselves constantly?</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
I love you; I don’t want you to kill yourself</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
Don’t take the knife, please</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
I love you </div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
I love you</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
I say this as I forget about you during</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
My own shit going on</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
I say this as I cry when instead</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
I should give you useful advice</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
I say this as I take comfort in my own interests</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
And so the weight of those words</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
Really can’t rest on me, can they? </div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
You know this well,</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
And I could never be that hero for you</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
But somehow</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
I don’t care</div>
<div style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: auto;">
And continue to jab you with all my trying</div>
Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-23699750415372544312017-09-03T03:24:00.001-07:002017-09-03T03:24:55.294-07:00You're my hero(ish)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXhtVKjw1PwdFMdwPMPz0xblyD3qLXLOK8APn-0j7KE05RdGe4nnbIuEorpyGkxbrfvafV_mH6qMHCTCwnIXeNKkbUMB7LX49cJN6gwXypU9CWbnfJiny2Z8iQP4T-z86btk2N10c0jl0m/s1600/17-09-01-13-30-18-391_deco.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1174" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXhtVKjw1PwdFMdwPMPz0xblyD3qLXLOK8APn-0j7KE05RdGe4nnbIuEorpyGkxbrfvafV_mH6qMHCTCwnIXeNKkbUMB7LX49cJN6gwXypU9CWbnfJiny2Z8iQP4T-z86btk2N10c0jl0m/s400/17-09-01-13-30-18-391_deco.jpg" width="292" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
True, you haven't ever saved me<br />
intentionally<br />
let alone given me much<br />
And maybe you didn't even realize you had much to give<br />
You've just been tossing and turning the nights<br />
off your muddled conscience<br />
trying to put a damper on your own villains<br />
But that's really just it--<br />
You<br />
And your villains<br />
dave drawn me out from my slumber in<br />
The endless abyss<br />
where I've been drifting and thinking:<br />
Nothing I do has a point<br />
Nothing I do helps anyone...<br />
But then you appeared, scar-bound and hurting<br />
and delving into your passions--<br />
A convenient veil--<br />
and eating away one day and the next<br />
Now I can rise again knowing<br />
that I can fight, too<br />
and bring myself to the point where I can<br />
feel limitless and<br />
draw out my passions again and maybe...<br />
Help raise you up in returnAber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-60205313290553043352017-07-16T23:27:00.000-07:002017-07-22T01:46:01.010-07:00The Understanding<div class="p1">
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<span class="s1">“Just accept that you’re a girl!” Luina yelled down at Arien who sat on neir knees, shaking. “You can cut your hair all you want and bind your chest or whatever the fuck you do all you want, but you’ll <i>never</i> escape the fact you’re a girl. Just accept reality already!”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Luina’s jaws tightened and the top of huir nose scrunched. Huir eyes were two daggers jabbing down into Arien’s hunched and trembling back.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “You can say you’re a boy all you want, but in the end, people are going to see you as a girl, and they will <i>always </i>treat you like a girl. Millions of girls all over the world suffer because of sexism and violence—you don’t see <i>them</i> trying to become fake boys in order for people to treat them differently because that’s just some stupid privileged first-world bullshit. Instead, they own up to what they are because <i>that’s </i>how they can help end this sexist epidemic. So no matter what you do, no matter what you want people to call you, they’ll see you just the same as the rest. Stop trying to play fantasy and pretend you can be something you’re not! Idiot!”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Luina looked as though zei might kick Arien but instead remained in the same position, towering over nem. However, she began to tremble. Huir eyes harbored frustration, anger, and something else.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Arien remained silent, tears welling at the bottoms of huir eyes. Zi could feel neir eyes cutting deeply. Zi could not bring enself to move, let alone face nem.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> As Liuna began to turn away huffily, Arien’s soft voice emerged from the stormy silence.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “I know…”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span> Luina paused. Turned back slowly to face Arien. She saw that neir trembling had softened slightly, however, something about it was more intimidating.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “I <i>know</i>…”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span> Luina looked as though zei were about to say something, however, as against huir will as it was, zei remained silent and listened as Arien continued.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “You think I don’t know what people see me as? You think I don’t know what my own damn flesh prison is? You’re <i>wrong</i>.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Arien turned huir head abruptly to face Luina, huir eyes wide and huir teeth clenched. Huir voice increased in volume.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “I’m not what I am because I want to escape from sexism. I am what I am because it’s how I feel! And if people refuse to address, let alone see me as what I am just because it’s how I feel, then <i>fine</i>! There are people who will accept me, and I will stick to that for now because it’s what I have. But never,<i> never</i> would I become a boy just to escape reality and sexism, not when even girls on my own <i>street</i> have been abused for their bodies! Maybe it <i>is</i> a privileged first-world epidemic, but as long as sexism keeps going in our first-world society, I’m not going to run away from that reality!”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Arien lifted a hand and formed it into a fist, then brought it down heavily to the floor. The sound of a <i>thump</i> preceded huir next words. “If you don’t want to see or address me as I am, as a trans boy, then fine! I guess it’s too much like asking you to fight my battles for me. But I still won’t give up who I am. I will be happy with whoever can accept me for me!”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Zi stood up on trembling legs. Shot one last fierce look to Luina, then turned away and sped off into the next room.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span> Luina stood, looking as though zei might yell out something else, but remained frozen. Huir eyes widened and huir hands began to tremble.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Later on, as night fell, Arien sat on the back porch facing a small garden adorned with soft yellow lights that seemed to float among the plants. The stars showed clearly in the black-dark blue sky. The crickets sang calmly in the slowly fading heat of the day. Zi had huir knees pinned up tightly against huir chest and huir arms wrapped tightly around huir legs to keep them up. Huir eyelids were lowered and yet huir expression looked uncomfortable—unresolved.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span> Luina stood inside the yellow-lit living room, looking out through the windows of the sliding doors that led to the back porch. She watched Arien for a moment contemplatively—a little bit hesitantly as zei caught huir lip between huir teeth. She leaned forward and back. After a while, she began to walk. Opened the sliding doors. Approached Arien.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> She sat down next to nem.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “Hey,” she said.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “Hey.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> The two of them were silent for several heartbeats, looking away from each other, words hanging at the tips of their tongues. After that time passed, they both spoke abruptly and in discorded unison.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “You know, I’m sorry,”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “Hey, I’m sorry.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> The two of them looked at each other, a bit baffled.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “Ah…” Arien continued. “Please let me go first.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “No, let me,” Luina said sternly. She grabbed the edge of the porch and tightened huir hand around it. Averted huir eyes down. “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. It’s just…I was unwilling to accept you as a trans guy. I guess cognitive dissonance or whatever, since, you know, we were sisters for so many years. But I want to accept you for who you are, so I’m sorry about before. I just snapped, and it hurt you.” She looked away and down at the stone walkway.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Arien continued to look at nem, a somewhat relieved expression surfacing. Then zi looked away. Took a long, drawn out, shaking breath. “I’m sorry, too. I understand where you’re coming from, and I’ve considered giving up my identity plenty of times for the sake of the many that suffer because of their bodies. I’m sorry if I hurt you…You don’t deserve to be hurt because of people who refuse to see the reality that hurts female people. I know that reality is there, and I don’t want to be a part of the problem. So I'm sorry.”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Zi looked back at Luina. Saw that nei was trembling. Zi lifted a hand towards nem and gaped slightly. “Luina…”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span> Luina began to speak with a soft, trembling voice, all of its previous hardness washing away. “I—I guess I just got so mad because…Especially because you aren’t taking hormones and surgery, and sometimes I get so mad when trans people call themselves trans when they aren’t doing those things because it makes me think they’re just trying to escape and make things harder for everyone else…And I know that’s a heartless thing for me to say because trans people shouldn’t have to put their bodies through so much, but sometimes it just hurts me.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “I understand,” Arien said quietly. “But you understand my situation. Why I don’t do that stuff…”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span> Luina nodded. “Yes.”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> She remained silent and contemplative for a moment.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> When she spoke again, huir eyes began to glaze over as tears welled. “It’s just…” Before she could stop the tears, they began to overflow. Huir chin began to quiver.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Arien lightly placed a reassuring hand on neir shoulder.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> As soon as it landed there, Luina began to sob.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “I—I never told anyone this.” She struggled as the words fought to get out of huir throat. “It’s just because they raped me…s—so many times…because of this body, it…hurts. They’ve…”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Arien’s eyes widened. The shock of the words pulsed through huir chest and then throughout the rest of huir body. Zi suddenly pulled Luina roughly to huir chest and nei began to sob even harder as nei reciprocated the embrace, grabbing onto huir brother’s plaid blue shirt.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> They stayed like this for a while as Luina buried huir sobs into nem. Stayed like this until they slowly diminished.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “I’m so sorry,” Arien said, to the point of tears. “I’m so sorry they did this to you. I didn’t know…”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span> Luina released nem and shook huir head. Wiped away the tears that smudged huir makeup. Let out a jagged breath. “No, I’m fine. It’s all over now.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Arien looked at huir sister sternly. Grabbed both neir shoulders. Luina looked shocked back at nem.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “It’s not fine,” Arien said to the point of yelling. “I know it’s not, otherwise why would you be crying over it now? No matter what, I will be here for you to talk to, even if I may not be your sister now…I want to be there for you no matter what. Even if you have to see me as your sister for now…I can wait. Because I want nothing but happiness for you.” The tears in Arien’s eyes began to spill over.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span> Luina let a small smile show through, yet it prompted even more tears. She leaned into Arien’s shoulder and sobbed more.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “Thank you…” she said with a cracking voice between sobs. “You’ve always been there for me. Thank you.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> It took some time, but Luina’s sobs slowly diminished into shattered breaths. However, she kept huir head on Arien’s shoulder.</span><br />
The cricket voices took over the forefront of the soundscape as the night became darker, the stars became brighter, and the two of them sat side by side on the porch. The yellow light from the living room beamed out, casting their shadows on the gravel ground.<br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: "times new roman";"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: "times new roman";">Luina began to speak in a more stable manner, quietly as if not to break this delicate moment.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: "times new roman";"> </span> </div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> “If anything,” she started. She lifted huir head slowly from Arien's shoulder and looked nem in the eyes. Smiled genuinely. “If anything, I want to try my best to call you my brother for now, if that’s fine. It will be difficult, but I still want to try for you.”</span><br />
Arien turned huir head to face huir sister. Nodded. Smiled brightly in return. “Of course.”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-converted-space">(Note: I tried my best to write this as true as possible, however, this doesn't represent all trans people's experiences.)</span></div>
Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-87452166819534415192017-07-13T22:55:00.002-07:002017-07-15T01:41:39.988-07:00The Legend Of Zxerou<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="s1">In a land called Merp, rested upon an unusually small island was a village filled with dragons. (Of course, from the human point of view, the island was <i>enormous!</i>) There, living among these dragons was a somewhat long, silver, (albeit “wimpy” according to dragon standards) dragon called Zxerou (pronounced <i>zero</i>). Zei was neither she, he, nor it because zei was genderless and not technically a dragon… I won’t get into that because that would be a whole other story.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"> On this particular day, Zxerou was at "training lessons" along with a number of peculiar dragons who all seemed to have major attitude issues. One was quite large and muscular, one was round and lumpy, one was lean and haughtily posed, one had an eternal sly smirk, and one other was quite wimpy, just like Zxerou. Zxerou was in full armor along with everyone else. Huir helm was crooked and zei dragged huir shield upon the floor. Huir friend, Birch, was the wimpy dragon like Zxerou, but much better off than en for nei had notable muscles. </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "ALRIGHT!" Master screamed. (Huir voice was <i>always </i>a scream...) "Today is FLIGHT TRAINING!!!”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "But sir..." started another dragon named Meep, who was most incredibly strong, but too shy for huir brawn.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW! We have trained like that ever since you were little maggots, BUT THIS IS BASIC TRAINING!!!" Master distracted.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "But I thought this was major fighting class," said Mudlash, the lean and haughtily posed dragon who was also clever and could beat anyone in a fighting contest.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Master crossed huir big brawny arms over huir chest. "Yes, quite, but YOU LAME DRAGONS CAN'T EVEN PICK UP A SWORD!!!"</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span><i> Oh, gurgling glacksticks. I hope this doesn't turn into another ‘Master and Mudlash mess,’ </i>Zxerou thought with a great glare of agony to the sky. Birch, who was patiently sitting beside Zxerou was nodding off to sleep. (Obviously, that was known as "patience" to the dragons. Dragons slept when bored, even at the dinner table and that was considered a compliment). Zxerou nudged nem awake.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span><i> Get up</i>, zei said through huir mind to Birch with a strange double voice—one a little higher and one a little lower. <i>Get up before Master blasts us to the infinites…<span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span></i> Master was pacing back and forth, observing the dragon's wings. The little dragon's wings amused en, and zei chuckled.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "TERRIBLE WINGS!" he said with a grunt when zei got to the end of the line of dragons. "All of you will FAIL!!!"</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "Especially you, Zxerou," Mudlash hissed under huir breath towards Zxerou. "You will <i>never </i>be the God of the Dragons."</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> The other dragons chuckled at this. Zxerou only stared ahead blankly as Master lifted huir oversized tail and gave a big, loud fart to silence the dragons. When that didn't work, he began to erupt.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "SILENCE YOU LITTLE MAGGOTS, BEFORE I EAT ALL THE LIVING CARPFLEAS FROM THOSE LITTLE BRAINS OF YOURS!!!" he thundered with a great shake of huir great, overhanging belly. </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Still, the room did not fall silent.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "Not before I roast you and eat you," Zxerou managed to say in a snarky manner.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Birch laughed at this in an overly exaggerated manner until Zxerou gave nem another nudge.</span><br />
<span class="s1"> Finally, after twenty whole minutes, the dragons became silent. At last, Master gave the orders.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "ALRIGHT!" he boomed. "Now, go and do twenty laps around Merp!!!"</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Everyone moaned and groaned and began filing out of the main training hall.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "Unless you want me to stick FIFTY FIREBALLS UP YOUR BUTTS!" Master continued.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "No, no!" everyone cried in discorded unison. They immediately became silent.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Zxerou was pushed and mauled by the hefty dragons as they all attempted to fit though the door at once. (Not to mention, the door was more made for long dragons like Zxerou or Birch or their dreaded enemy, Mudlash). When Zxerou and Birch were finally outside, they came to find that all the other dragons had taken off and were already halfway around Merp. </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "Come on," said Zxerou, flapping once with huir wings and lifting off the ground.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "Oh, joy," Birch groaned close behind Zxerou. "I absolutely, definitely, positively, <i>seriously...</i> Well, I kind of forgot what I was going to say, but I think I was about to say that... I HATE THE FACT MASTER MAKES US RUN LAPS!!!"</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "Hmmm..." Zxerou said, hardly surprised. "Quite so, since we are supposedly training to protect stupid jewels from knights who want to slay us…and you mean <i>fly</i> laps.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> "It's all myth!" howled Birch. "They're training us for MYTH!"</span><br />
And so they both flew on as Zxerou managed to hold back huir temper while Birch complained and complained. (And even though <i>one</i> wing beat brought all the dragons practically halfway around the island of Merp, they <i>still </i>took an hour to finish. How lame).</div>
Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-33780392231940635722017-07-10T03:00:00.003-07:002017-07-10T03:14:53.619-07:00Regarding Gender/Trans Issues<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">This is a kind of long post pertaining to some stuff bothering me a lot lately. It's got a lot in it, but feel free to leave insights in the comments!</span><br />
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So I have an issue… Basically, people argue that anyone should be able to dress, act, and express their gender however they want no matter their biological sex without being discriminated against, and yet people also advocate for trans rights, and usually trans people depend on the “binary” in culture in order to pass as the gender they want—especially people who don’t have access to or may not want hormones and surgery. It seems counterintuitive. I don’t know if both agendas can coexist. So then how do we proceed? And which one is better? If neither, then is there a middle ground? People should be able to express as they wish regarding gender, yet would that not be detrimental to those who are trans since people would simply refer to them as the gendered words that generally accompany biological sex because, i.e., no one would care about the difference between a trans man and a “butch” woman or a trans woman and a drag queen? As well, would it not also force anyone trans to take potentially harmful or unwanted hormones and surgery since the lines are even more unclear? However, at the same time, these “binary” lines that trans folks may depend on tend to be detrimental to the general population, as it forces people into boxes based on their biology, and no one really wants that, do they? But then again, would that kind of equal world be realistic in the first place? It seems like there must be a reason why male and female humans discriminated themselves into these “gender boxes” in the first place. Is there really no way to get these two agendas to coexist?—where people accept trans folks as well as folks who just wish to dress and act in a different way from their “gender box”? </div>
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As well, pronouns seem to be a huge issue on this topic. Would there really need to be gendered pronouns, let alone sex-specific ones, especially in a world where people can express themselves however they want regarding gender? Or would people not care about omitting sex-specific pronouns as biology would not be a big deal in gender expression? However, then that assumes no one has pronoun dysphoria, and if trans people were included in this world, then clearly pronouns are still an issue. So then, do we just continue to deal with the pronoun issues or would it really be detrimental to omit the genders from them and just depend on the nouns for gender expression in our language?</div>
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I realise that there are always going to be exceptions in any culture, however, I am thinking from an overarching point of view, as I think it is safe to say that all cultures have some sort of overarching gender structure in them.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhir4aBdUf0pEkIHpqGqfCptqmTINdmSHRcj4WlV1zD4yQLA2xmkrB8NNbZQbA2uHjr_qIHs5PvfwP8y6fYoweLMJqTNd2QgHPUh_WjjjRkJB4RIrEEkTmkiNVfRHNQkxhwTrpvTJ0MD3aP/s1600/i+try.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhir4aBdUf0pEkIHpqGqfCptqmTINdmSHRcj4WlV1zD4yQLA2xmkrB8NNbZQbA2uHjr_qIHs5PvfwP8y6fYoweLMJqTNd2QgHPUh_WjjjRkJB4RIrEEkTmkiNVfRHNQkxhwTrpvTJ0MD3aP/s320/i+try.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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"I don't know anymore. I'm so confused."</div>
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Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-86805965978425066322017-07-08T02:26:00.002-07:002017-07-08T03:23:34.603-07:00Lost Moments<span style="font-family: inherit;">plaster the future to a mask and</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">weld another day to the iron year</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">trap an image in the steamboat and</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgruqUuFcW9dDzVhg1pa6aDv1HfMBvAlgPj_n0M0Djxf-ER-4se0e8CSMiiNeNDR_Bp8vte4BtC00ilsRtB5FAuJGNX4bcPbrtj09kJpH-0UG1MTc5gr0dD9uOtCdZShfC4GS3WHqFsYf7X/s1600/17-07-08-02-22-44-093_deco.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgruqUuFcW9dDzVhg1pa6aDv1HfMBvAlgPj_n0M0Djxf-ER-4se0e8CSMiiNeNDR_Bp8vte4BtC00ilsRtB5FAuJGNX4bcPbrtj09kJpH-0UG1MTc5gr0dD9uOtCdZShfC4GS3WHqFsYf7X/s200/17-07-08-02-22-44-093_deco.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">let it sail to the top of a mountain on thin air.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">break your dream a thousand times</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">RE: kept them safe in your email drafts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and have deleted so many days</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">from then on.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">taking the hand of a small lost moment</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">are you lost, too? you say no</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">but it couldn't be less true.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Hold</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">where did Sunday go, where are those 24 hours?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">--clutching your head with your hands</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">the realization that this day won't last</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">in the thread of memory</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">twenty years past, and the seconds you once grasped</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">roam free in some unknown dimension.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Break</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">one year has passed, falling from the swing</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">the joy of circles in the park</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">spinning up and away all the way 'til it becomes some</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">memory in the fabric of space</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">into the stars, eyes stare, reflect the vastness</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">we hold so dear</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">This poem is actually supposed to be a rap, but I haven't yet set it to music.</span>Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-57535053641272233682017-07-07T15:39:00.001-07:002017-07-29T02:46:21.246-07:00An Important Note For This Blog<div class="p1">
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<span class="s1">Greetings, readers~!</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> From this point on, I will be using a pronoun system on this blog you may not be familiar with.</span><br />
<span class="s1"> Instead of your typical <i>he/she</i> system, I will use a different pronoun system that differentiates people by a "fourth person" system, also known as an "obviative/proximate" system. (I will explain that shortly and provide brief examples).<br /><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Now, there may be two different versions of the system that I use for this blog, however, they both tie together in that they both use the obviative/proximate aspect that I mentioned. One version is completely genderless while the other uses the genders, but only in the subject pronouns. I will clarify that shortly.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">_________________</span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="color: #990000;"><u>The Basic (Genderless) Obviative/Proximate System:</u></span></div>
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<span class="s1">This system, also known as a "fourth person" system is a system that distinguishes one third person who is more in focus and another who is less in focus. The former is marked with a "proximate" pronoun (PROX.) and the latter is marked with an "obviative" pronoun (OBV.). In this version of the system, there are no gender markers.</span></div>
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<span class="s2"><u>Pronouns In Use:</u></span></div>
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<span class="s1">zei, en, huir, huirs, enself (PROX.)</span></div>
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<span class="s1">nei, nem, neir, neirs, nemself (OBV.)</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s2"><u>Examples:</u></span></div>
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<li class="li1"><span class="s1">"<b>Zei</b>(PROX.) told <b>nem</b>(OBV.) that <b>zei</b>(PROX.) liked <b>neir</b>(OBV.) art." (First speaker told second speaker that first speaker liked second speaker's art.)</span></li>
<li class="li1"><span class="s1">"<b>Zei</b>(PROX.) told <b>nem</b>(OBV.) that <b>zei</b>(PROX.) liked <b>huir</b>(PROX.) house." (First speaker told second speaker that first speaker liked first speaker's house.)</span></li>
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<span class="s2"><u>Some Concerns:</u></span><span class="s1"> </span></div>
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<span class="s1">There are still plural pronouns. The third-person plural <i>they</i> pronoun still exists—it is not to be confused with <i>zei</i>, which is used in a singular fashion. "They <i>are</i>," vs "zei <i>is</i>" (for reference). All the pronouns remain the same for the most part—except for the <i>he/she</i> pronouns. The only real difference with my pronoun system and the one already established is that <i>he</i> and <i>she</i> are both replaced with the genderless singular pronoun, <i>zei</i>. This pronoun is declined the same way as <i>he/she</i>.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> However, the issue with condensing <i>he/she</i> into one genderless pronoun creates the problem of more ambiguity between third persons. In order to solve this problem, I created the <i>nei</i> pronoun, (which is also declined the same way as <i>he/she</i>). The <i>nei</i> pronoun tends to be the subject "less in focus." I will explain that promptly. </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span> Generally speaking, when assigning <i>zei</i> and <i>nei</i> to subjects, the <i>zei</i> pronoun will accompany a name and the person/thing doing an action to another person/thing, while <i>nei</i> is assigned to the other third person that is being acted upon. "Kiri was angry. <i>Zei</i> lashed out at <i>nem</i>" (for reference). Basically, Kiri (in the first sentence) turns into <i>zei</i> (in the second sentence), while <i>nem</i> belongs to a being Kiri is acting upon. So regarding the reference point, <i>zei</i> and <i>nei</i> are just two third-persons in reference to each other. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">_________________</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s2" style="color: #990000;"><u>The Obviative/Proximate System (Modified By Genders):</u></span></div>
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<span class="s1">In this version of the system, <i>she</i>, <i>he</i>, </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman";">and two trans pronouns, </span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman";">zi</i><span style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman";"> (used by trans men depending on the context) and </span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman";">vi</i><span style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman";"> (used for trans women depending on the context)</span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </i><span style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman";">may </span>replace the proximate subject pronoun, <i>zei</i>, when necessary. However, the gendered subject pronouns do not decline into their own separate gendered variations, unlike usual English. (I will show examples later). As well, the obviative <i>nei</i> pronoun stays the same. Basically, the only difference between this version and the former is that <i>zei</i> can turn into <i>she/he/zi/vi</i> depending on the gender of the subject. One thing to note is that in a sentence, a gendered subject pronoun will turn into <i>zei</i> within the same sentence.<br />
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<span class="s2"><u>Pronouns In Use:</u></span></div>
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<span class="s1">zei/vi/zi/she/he, en, huir, huirs, enself (PROX.)</span></div>
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<span class="s1">nei, nem, neir, neirs, nemself (OBV.)</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s2"><u>Examples:</u></span></div>
<ol class="ol1">
<li class="li1"><span class="s1">"<b>She</b>(PROX.) told <b>nem</b>(OBV.) that <b>zei</b>(PROX.) liked <b>neir</b>(OBV.) art." (First speaker told second speaker that first speaker liked second speaker's art.)</span></li>
<li class="li1"><span class="s1">"<b>He</b>(PROX.) told <b>nem</b>(OBV.) that <b>zei</b>(PROX.) liked <b>huir</b>(PROX.) house." (First speaker told second speaker that first speaker liked first speaker's house.)</span></li>
<li class="li1"><span class="s1">"<b>Zi</b>(PROX.) liked to go for walks often as a child, but now <b>zei</b>(PROX.) was too scared to even set foot outside." (First speaker liked to go for walks as a child, but now first speaker was too scared to even set foot outside.)</span></li>
<li class="li1"><span class="s1">"<b>Vi</b>(PROX.) told <b>nem</b>(OBV.) that <b>zei</b>(PROX.) wanted a new pair of headphones, however, <b>nei</b>(OBV.) said to <b>en</b>(PROX.) that they needed to save money." (First speaker told second speaker that first speaker wanted a new pair of headphones, however, second speaker said to first speaker that they needed to save money.)</span></li>
<li class="li1"><span class="s1">"For most of <b>huir</b>(PROX.) life, <b>zei</b>(PROX.) lived in the solitude of the grass plains." (For most of first speaker's life, first speaker lived in the solitude of the grassy plains.)</span></li>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s2"><u>Some Concerns:</u></span></div>
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<span class="s1">If a subject is already mentioned in a sentence, the subject pronoun will turn into <i>zei</i> if used later in the sentence. The only time a gendered variation is used is if it is the first subject referent in a sentence. One thing to also note is that the obviative pronoun does not have gendered variations. In other words, <i>nei</i> will not be replaced with gendered variations, unlike <i>zei</i>. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">_________________</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">Why this system, you may ask? Unfortunately, I have no short, simple answer. Truthfully, trans issues did prompt it, but what I can say for now is that it came to my mind after years of mind wars and various iterations of what would someday become what I have now. And so I wished to use my artistic license to execute it. It is meant as a thought experiment and not intended for forcing on people to use in our own reality. If you believe you can have an open mind and handle this seemingly significant difference in English language use, then by all means, I hope you enjoy the writings on this blog. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">With love,</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Aber N.T.</span></div>
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Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2692983343679021532.post-24478679576722703602017-07-06T03:43:00.003-07:002017-07-09T03:08:38.875-07:00The New: They Imagine UsFor those rare folks who previously followed my old blog: here is my new blog, mostly for various writings and maybe some art, photography, and life happenings. And for you new folks who may be visiting for the first time...welcome! And I hope you enjoy.<br />
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For now, here's a watercolor and its accompanying poem for you to enjoy.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkYnT3IVg9rtq84jpJ1RtWCqIAwHJjs9LEffvnwvlYcNxkBIH4Z9qxy0GWhN8ty2E11QfrBtXRAULFCDgBiZlOIe2gprkEv8I2fxWXbzbyK55bBXmSJO_LDp5BDn_J_wKHng1R8KVddrNL/s1600/between+us.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1144" data-original-width="1600" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkYnT3IVg9rtq84jpJ1RtWCqIAwHJjs9LEffvnwvlYcNxkBIH4Z9qxy0GWhN8ty2E11QfrBtXRAULFCDgBiZlOIe2gprkEv8I2fxWXbzbyK55bBXmSJO_LDp5BDn_J_wKHng1R8KVddrNL/s400/between+us.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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between us...<br />
i like what we have<br />
our connection<br />
it's so delicate and reassuring<br />
so painfully <span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;"><br />...lovely<br />it could snap like that<br />you don't see how i carefully watch it every day<br />tenderly trailing my hands over its overt dark matter<br />and the stars that shine through and grow in numbers<br />each<br />and<br />every<br />day<br />all because you care<br />and yet i want you to notice<br />how much<br />joy<br />it brings me</span></div>
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Translation:</div>
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あなたとわたし<br />
その間にあるもの<br />
それが愛おしい<br />
わたしたちの繋がり<br />
繊細で安らか<br />
胸が痛むほど愛おしい<br />
それはパチンッ、と弾む<br />
あなたは知らないんだ<br />
わたしが毎日毎晩<br />
心を向けていることを<br />
あなたがこの手に優しく触れさせるのは<br />
真っ黒なあれと幾千にきらめく星<br />
昨日も<br />
今日も<br />
明日も<br />
あなたにとってはどうでもいいかもね<br />
それでも、気づいて欲しい<br />
それが<br />
どれほどの喜びを<br />
わたしにもたらすかを</div>
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(Thank you to my Japanese friend for translating!)</div>
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Until next time~!<br />
<br />
-Aber N.T.Aber N.T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07413761687920519700noreply@blogger.com1