Just What You Want (Poem Version)

Nights alone, driving anywhere but home

Mind far off, desperation takes hold

The key is 

Broken

You say, give me love, give me trust 

Give me some way to capture lust

I don’t care, take my time

Just as long as I can feel the things I once thought were mine

Right in front of you, this person

Would gladly open your eyes

But the beacon for you will always be

So far off

If you would take a person and share

An artificial love

Would I gladly be your dummy, pretend we’re high

Not care what’s down below us?

We’re here now, drunk and lonely

And we’re sharing time

Saying all the right things, but you could

Never tease me out of my lie

Because you know just what you want

And I know just what you need

And I’d gladly be that dummy even if

In the end, it just hurts me

(This is also a song)

I want to be your hero

Let’s be real. I can’t do hero-ly shit

I can’t fly, I can’t even listen to an opinion without 

Some sort of anxiety

But I can try

And they say do, not try, but

I try nevertheless to send you my limited words

To help us understand each other

To bring you anything I can when I see you hurt

And it jabs you every time, so I guess

Maybe it’s not worth it

Even trying  

And how can a hero be a hero when they 

Doubt themselves constantly?

I love you; I don’t want you to kill yourself

Don’t take the knife, please

I love you 

I love you

I say this as I forget about you during

My own shit going on

I say this as I cry when instead

I should give you useful advice

I say this as I take comfort in my own interests

And so the weight of those words

Really can’t rest on me, can they? 

You know this well,

And I could never be that hero for you

But somehow

I don’t care

And continue to jab you with all my trying

You're my hero(ish)

True, you haven't ever saved me
intentionally
let alone given me much
And maybe you didn't even realize you had much to give
You've just been tossing and turning the nights
off your muddled conscience
trying to put a damper on your own villains
But that's really just it--
You
And your villains
dave drawn me out from my slumber in
The endless abyss
where I've been drifting and thinking:
Nothing I do has a point
Nothing I do helps anyone...
But then you appeared, scar-bound and hurting
and delving into your passions--
A convenient veil--
and eating away one day and the next
Now I can rise again knowing
that I can fight, too
and bring myself to the point where I can
feel limitless and
draw out my passions again and maybe...
Help raise you up in return

Lost Moments

plaster the future to a mask and
weld another day to the iron year
trap an image in the steamboat and
let it sail to the top of a mountain on thin air.
break your dream a thousand times
RE: kept them safe in your email drafts
and have deleted so many days
from then on.
taking the hand of a small lost moment
are you lost, too? you say no
but it couldn't be less true.
Hold
where did Sunday go, where are those 24 hours?
--clutching your head with your hands
the realization that this day won't last
in the thread of memory
twenty years past, and the seconds you once grasped
roam free in some unknown dimension.
Break
one year has passed, falling from the swing
the joy of circles in the park
spinning up and away all the way 'til it becomes some
memory in the fabric of space
into the stars, eyes stare, reflect the vastness
we hold so dear

This poem is actually supposed to be a rap, but I haven't yet set it to music.

The New: They Imagine Us

For those rare folks who previously followed my old blog: here is my new blog, mostly for various writings and maybe some art, photography, and life happenings. And for you new folks who may be visiting for the first time...welcome! And I hope you enjoy.

For now, here's a watercolor and its accompanying poem for you to enjoy.

between us...
i like what we have
our connection
it's so delicate and reassuring
so painfully 
...lovely
it could snap like that
you don't see how i carefully watch it every day
tenderly trailing my hands over its overt dark matter
and the stars that shine through and grow in numbers
each
and
every
day
all because you care
and yet i want you to notice
how much
joy
it brings me

Translation:

あなたとわたし
その間にあるもの
それが愛おしい
わたしたちの繋がり
繊細で安らか
胸が痛むほど愛おしい
それはパチンッ、と弾む
あなたは知らないんだ
わたしが毎日毎晩
心を向けていることを
あなたがこの手に優しく触れさせるのは
真っ黒なあれと幾千にきらめく星
昨日も
今日も
明日も
あなたにとってはどうでもいいかもね
それでも、気づいて欲しい
それが
どれほどの喜びを
わたしにもたらすかを

(Thank you to my Japanese friend for translating!)

Until next time~!

-Aber N.T.